Non verbal body language is about 90% of our communication as human beings.

We communicate a lot of information about our inner feeling states which can amplify our verbal communication or even contradict our verbal communication, and there has been a lot written about how to read body language and how to use it to establish whether an individual is telling the truth or not in an interrogation for, example, or in a relationship.

I think it is possible to recognize patterns of communications as Helen Fisher,Ph.D. has done in her anthropological studies of our human mating dance, or Paul Ekman,Ph.D., has done with facial expressions. I agree with Professor Ekman that it is difficult to say with any great accuracy that non verbal body language will reveal whether an individual is telling the truth or not.

As a counselor, I look for very subtle changes in body language in my counseling sessions, because those body responses can reveal thoughts and feelings associated with a memory, for example, which my client may not have ever spoken of before.

Revealing the secret could be very helpful in dealing with the feeling of shame for example, because shame can be appropriate or inappropriate and inappropriate shame, the kind that says to you that you are a “bad” person can really limit your life.

So non verbal body language is a signal and can reveal tendencies rather than truths.

Can non verbal body language be manipulated? Only if we the viewers allow ourselves to be manipulated. We have to watch the folks we are close to carefully and perhaps ask questions if the words we hear are not matching the non verbal body language.

For example, a demonstration I frequently use in my domestic violence classes involves my using the words “I Love You” yelled out in a loud, mean tone with a snarling expression.

I then ask which message they paid attention to, the words or the non verbal body language. Almost to a person, the response is that the snarling expression and aggressive tone of voice trumps the words “I Love You”.

Oftentimes when someone we care about is hedging their response to a query from a loved one which can carry some emotionally charged freight (a man asks his girl friend why she spent so much time with her ex-husband when dropping off the kids for his weekend), we assume that the incongruence between verbal and non verbal response is the result of a lie.

The incongruence may simply be an attempt to avoid a conflict about this issue, but we make our inferences and act on them faster than we can remember that we have made a commitment to love, honor, and obey which does involve reminding ourselves of trust.

In fact, Professor Ekman says that we can process a look of contempt and change our physiology to that look in 1/25th second, which is about twice as fast as I can blink my eyes.

And in the situation above, the suspicious boyfriend may have been practicing his high arousal for the amount of time his girlfriend has been gone, and that suspicion may date to his childhood relationship with his mom. If his suspicion involves an historcal event, then the suspicion is truly unfair to his current love interest.

If you have ever read a sales letter for an internet guru’s latest offering, and come away with the sense of I must buy this now, then you are feeling the physiology which a master copy writer has hoped to induce.

TV commercials are also wonderful teaching tools for the manipulation of body language. There are different commercials for different markets and believe me, those commercials are constructed frame by frame to provide just the right juxtoposition to induce first excitement, then an inducement to buy.

Political campaigns and political commentators are another excellent example of how to use incendiary language and non verbal body language to induce an emotional response in the listener.

We as consumers need to calm down if we find ourselves suffering an emotional response to non verbal body language and ask clarifying questions.

In the boyfriend visitation example above, if I were the boyfriend, I might want to ask myself about how trusting I am. My lack of trust, perhaps from on ungrieved prior loss, needs to be dealt with before I can leap into suspicion and accusation.

Of course, if you are interested in learning more about non verbal body language, there are many excellent tools available, including e-books and chapters of e-books about the science of body language.

And there are a number of powerful brain fitness tools available that will help you develop your observational skills so that you can pick out those very subtle signals.

Ask the appropriate question, and you may have an answer about your relationship or your voting preference in a moment.

Become emotionally involved, act out of that emotion, and the result is an ongoing melodrama, which could last decades.

According to a Straits Time survey, Singapore parents are spending 10 to 15 times more than the amount they are paying for school fees, on private tuition. This is perhaps due to the fact that parents want to provide the best possible education for their children. Since parents and students have virtually no control over the choice of their school teachers, parents and students have to turn to private tuition as a means to supplement the education the students are already having at school. Choosing a private tutor may be a daunting task, and so how do we go about finding the right tutors from a tuition agency? Some qualities of a tutor to look out for:

 

 

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Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), or conversational hypnosis, is the cogitation of how we believe and experience our world around us. Apparently, the nature of our brains and awareness hasn’t become an exact scientific discipline quite up to now, so the main technique used by NLP is to form examples of how these things work. Included in this is conversational hypnosis.

The examples are then utilized to produce strategies for quickly altering thoughts, beliefs, and conducts that you might not want or require any longer, or even be aware of. The 2 individuals generally accredited with formulating NLP are Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Bandler was a psychological science student at the University of CA at Santa Cruz in 1970, when he connected with a group led by Grinder, then a affiliate professor of linguistics at the school.

The 2 men got to be acquaintances and started out working together, both molded by the Family Therapy work of Virginia Satir, Fritz Perls’ Gestalt Therapy, and Milton H. Erickson’s work. Bandler used his backdrop in math and computers and Grinder utilized his linguistics cognition to discover patterns and create models.

Both Bandler and Grinder were imprinted with the apparently sorcerers effect that therapists like Satir and Erickson had on their customers, and needed to see if they may break it down to a scientific level, so it may be more easily procreated by anybody, including conversational hypnosis.

Other like-minded individuals got together with Bandler and Grinder, and several of the techniques that are still utilized nowadays were built up, including anchoring, standardization, reframing, representational systems, and assorted personal behavioral change techniques as we; as conversational hypnosis.

Throughout the former seventies, Bandler and Grinder worked at fresh themes and tries out while giving workshops and authoring books. The Structure of Magic, Volumes one and two, Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, Volumes One and two, and Frogs Into Princes were all brought out during the subsequent 5 years.

A lot of these books are chiefly addressed to therapists needing to use hypnosis in their work, however anybody concerned in the subject will discover valuable data there.

By the early eighties Bandler and Grinder had each formulated their own themes about hypnosis and had parted company, each to go forward on his own. A few find that approximately this time hypnosis and NLP lost some of its initial creativeness and went in a temporary falling off, turning into more of a ceremonious band aid New Age therapy, commercialized to individuals with lots of revenue who desired second results.

There was more or less bickering among different sects over who “owned” NLP and conversational hypnosis and who advanced the “real” version. As time went by, NLP and conversational hypnosis grew in fame and acquired many different chains, till its present status as a kind of “open source” system, without any fundamental expert or single owner. This anarchical spirit contributes to its originative vim now.

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